dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize