Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
