mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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