Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
