dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
