why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
