Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
