Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
