I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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