You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
