This girl is more easily done than said...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
