you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
