I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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