I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize