I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
