I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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