It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
