so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
