Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
