Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
