I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No subtext here. People are naked.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
