You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
