3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
