Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
