He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
