some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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