remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
