Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my liver is dry heaving
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
