dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
