This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
