im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
