): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
