Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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