I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
