New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
