So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
