How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
