I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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