What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My feet surprised me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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