he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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