there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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