At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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