Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
