i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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