Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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