And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
