I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
