Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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