Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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