If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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