Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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