If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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