Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
