and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
