You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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