when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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