just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
