How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
