a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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