Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
