we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
