are you still at the devil's house?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
