I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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