you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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