her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We left the knife in your bed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
