meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
