Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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