Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
