Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize