Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
