It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
