i don't like sucking hair
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
