hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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